Sex and drugs

I know. I know I caught your attention, and if you know me well enough you’ll know the title probably has nothing to do with this post – although it kinda does… probably just not in the obvious ways!

Well, one really is obvious… I have been anxiously waiting for some of the girls to go into heat, and they haven’t yet. I’m pretty sure Fred hasn’t had any action. It is still early mind you, so nothing abnormal. I’m just impatient. And so is Fred.

But this morning while I was washing dishes, Fred & Cinnamon clearly made it past second base, more than once! Fred was happy, and so was I to see some activity finally happening up there! And now, not that I was too worried about it, but I know for sure, Fred is on the job.

The cooler weather has been really nice.

Since my last post, I’ve ended up in a full blown flare. I can’t say part of it wasn’t my fault… but it’s very difficult to remember to act perfectly all the time or suffer the consequences. Sometimes it’s hard to even remember, no matter how long you have been sick, that the consequences of some things can be so severe. Aside from throwing in antibiotics and another infection, which will make me flare by itself, I did several bad things, including staying up too late to visit with my sister. It makes me angry that staying up can actually cost me days and days of flaring – and I often think I can just push right through it, but it’s impossible, and the consequences are life threatening. I’ve been straight in bed for several days, and I had to increase my prednisone dramatically. I should have done it before now but the side effects of the prednisone are almost as bad as a flare so I resisted, and I’m paying the price.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to get to the barn this morning but I did, and it sure made me feel good to see everyone, and have a cuddle.

Everyone is much happier it’s at least a little cooler outside. They get way friskier.

Certainly not a flattering photo of me, but along with my butterfly rash, my Sjorgrens flared, I was slurring and stuttering my speech, bleeding, in pain… and last night I blacked out in the kitchen. I made it to the bedroom and discovered my blood pressure was 70/50 so that was likely the cause of that. I saw my GP on Tuesday and she basically just wasn’t thrilled. She feels bad but it’s above her. I just needed some help getting through this flare until I can see my specialists again. It’s looking more and more like it’s time to switch up meds again and try something else. I will start by replacing my Imuran with Methotrexate and then likely move on to Remicade. It looks like it’s time.

Ed found this adorable little Salamander the other day and brought him inside to say hello! This is the time of year we always see them, and they so darned adorable.

Max made me smile the other morning, he was so relaxed and so happy during his morning nap. That is a look of pure contentment.

It hasn’t been our best year for color but we’ve still had a decent amount… the winds the past few days are dropping like the leaves like crazy however, so it won’t last long now… we’ve been trying to enjoy it the very best that we can.

The boys have also been trying to soak up as much warmth and sunshine as they can outside (when it’s warm enough)

And inside by the fire when it’s not. It’s been cold enough now to warrant a fire most mornings and most evenings, although not all yet. There are few things these Chi’s love more than the wood stove. I think they actually like it better than sunshine, which is amazing. If Rollie could have a fire going all the time, I think he’d be in heaven.

Otherwise we’ve been continuing to cut rounds and haul them in. I wish this was what the wood yard looked like right now, but it doesn’t, this was last year on this date. We’ve got one full row and the start of another one so far. Plenty of more trees down, plenty more to cut, but it also needs to come in and be split too. It’s a lot of work keeping this place going in the winter.

It frustrates the hell out of me that I cannot physically do many things on my own, even muck stalls or split wood. I can do them, but the price is too high. I’m pretty stubborn so I’ve always pushed through but I am learning that I am not the only one who pays the price when I go into a full flare, the animals also pay, and so does Ed. It’s days and days of agony, and me being completely unable to function, even for a couple of hours a day. It’s him cleaning up vomit and never knowing if he’ll show up and find me passed out somewhere or if we’ll be going to the ER. It’s stressful on more than just me, and that’s something I try to remind myself. The same with the animals, they don’t get to see me, and have all the attention they need when I am at my sickest… so I’m going to try harder to remind myself of that. Not that I can always stop a flare, but I need to remind myself that I cannot push myself and think I can get away with it anymore… it just doesn’t work that way. It is however, way easier said, than done.

We are hopeful this weekend we’ll get a lot more fire wood in, and a few more projects done around the farm. Hopefully my prednisone will continue to kick me out of this flare and keep me out of the hospital so I can get back on my feet a little bit.

And hopefully, the weather stays on our side!