Finding my words

I've written a million times.... OK maybe a thousand... about how horrible it feels when a writer cannot write. It's the same as when a painter can no longer paint, a farmer can no longer farm (yes I realize these are all references to things I do) but you get my point. My passions and …

Sometimes I just go away… but I come back…

I have never really realized where some of my behaviors have come from since I got sick. There are certain things I've started doing since I became ill, that I recognize that I do. Like isolate during pain flares. But there are plenty of things I haven't realized yet, or am just starting to recognize …

2 AM Start

Yesterday I couldn't do anything all day. Well, that's not true, I actually painted all day long, non stop, but I could barely get up from the couch just from pain, fatigue, and plain not feeling well. The painting was a great distraction and amazingly I felt creative, and was able to focus on it, …

The morning fire

I've been living in houses heated solely with wood since I was 16 and left home. You'd think I'd be good at starting fires... and the truth is, I actually can be if I have the right things and take my time. I know how. But in the house I often like to rush in …

I am in pain.

And because one of my conditions happens to be Sjogren’s Syndrome, I can’t even cry because I cannot produce tears. I cannot cry out of sadness, or happiness, for emotional relief. I am in pain. And it’s all consuming. I hurt from the tips of my toes right up to the top of my head. …